The following is a page written by my friend Court Funke circa 1995. I liked it so much that I saved it, and put it up here when he took his original home pages down.

NEWSFLASH: U2 SUCKS!

Before I begin, I have something to say. It seems that I have been linked to some U2 fan page or something like it. I'm not sure whether or not people know what they are getting into when they link to this page but it seems that I have upset a few of them. This page has been up for about two years and just last week I received the first of many angry responses. I welcome all criticism and comments. I won't respond to anyone who disagrees with me as it would just be a waste of time since I've endlessly debated every point anyone could possibly make with most of my friends already and I'm not going to change my mind. But I will say this. Some of the responses I have gotten have been rather rude. If you would like to see what I am talking about, click here. I will be posting anything I find to be rude and obnoxious. Thank you for your time.

Ok posers. Listen up. U2 is the worst thing to happen to rock music since disco. They are the most overrated group since The Beatles. Here are some of the many reasons why.....

They are derivative - This so called "constantly evolving band" hasn't played an original note in years. Joshua Tree? Pretentious musicians playing bloated music with overbearing messages and religious metaphors? Can you say, "Pink Floyd?" Acthung Baby and Zooropa? Lot's of computers and industrial noise? Sounds like NIN to me who were doing it long before U2 tried it. Rattle and Hum? A blues album by a bunch of whiny Irish guys? I don't think so. Bringing B.B. King doesn't lend them the credibility they need to pull this one off. You'd have to resurect Robert Johnson in order to get me to even consider listening to The Edge try his feeble hands at the blues. While all these albums may be the first time any U2 fans have heard this type of music, it was certainly being produced long before Bono pulled his head out of his ass to discover it.
They're pretentious - If you want to give me a message, just say it. Otherwise, let's let music be music and not some crappy politcal statement of the month. If I want politics I'll pick up a newspaper, when I want music I buy an album. Music first, message second guys. Think about it.
The Village People weren't cool in the seventies. They weren't even cool when they started to make a comeback a couple years ago. They certainly aren't cool now.
and because I can't tell whether they're serious or not... Jokes about the Village People were not funny in the seventies. Jokes about the Village People were not funny a couple of years ago. They certainly aren't funny now.
They just plain suck - Bono can't sing. The Edge can't play. The rhythm section can't hold a candle to Double Trouble or any other halfway decent rock band. How they got to be so damn popular is beyond me.
According to On Ramp's Cybe Sleaze gossip column, here's what Goerge Harrison thinks of them...
GEORGE HARRISON has labeled OASIS, the pretenders to THE BEATLES' throne, egotistical "rubbish." And he's no fan of the SPICE GIRLS either, claiming, "The good thing about them is that you can look at them with the sound turned down." Harrison, 54, made his comments in an interview with French newspaper LE FIGARO, to promote new album CHANTS OF INDIA by his pal RAVI SHANKAR. Asked whether he enjoys groups such as Oasis, U2 and TEXAS, Harrison snorts, "Rubbish! They aren't very interesting. It's OK if you're 14 years old. I prefer to listen to BOB DYLAN." He adds, "You know what irritates me about modern music, it's all based on ego. Look at a group like U2. BONO and his band are so egocentric... The more you jump around, the bigger your hat is, the more people listen to your music... The only important thing is to sell, and make money. It's nothing to do with talent." The Beatles, he claims "had a value which will last forever." Harrison explains, "Today there are groups who sell a lot of records and then disappear immediately. Will we remember U2 in 30 years? Or the Spice Girls? I doubt it." But he's quick to admit he would be cashing in on the foxy fivesome's success if he were a young man. Harrison says, "I would certainly produce the Spice Girls. If I knew at 20 what I know now, it would be fabulous. I would certainly retire before becoming famous."
I got this little tidbit off of Metaverse's Cyber Sleaze page.
IS U2 DOWN WITH THE UNDERGROUND??: Two top disc jockeys have been barred from U2's Irish nightclub THE KITCHEN - for refusing to play a request by the group's supermodel pal NAOMI CAMPBELL. The incident happened at a party in the club following the supergroup's second homecoming gig in Dublin last month. Campbell - who was once engaged to U2's bass player ADAM CLAYTON - sent a copy of the new PRODIGY CD over to DJ AIDAN KELLY, who refused to play it. Kelly says, "The Prodigy track didn't fit in with what I was playing, so I said no. I was booked to play a funky house set at the Kitchen's independently-promoted Sunday night dance club." Kelly claims he was then removed from the DJ booth and told never to return to the club again. He says that his partner on the decks BRIAN CHAMBERLAIN then left in protest after the leggy model asked him to play the CD. On the way out, he too was told never to return. Over 200 of the club's regulars were left bemused as The Kitchen stayed in total silence until a member of staff entered the booth and played Campbell's CD for her. One regular says, "U2 showed more respect for a rich and famous friend, proving their claim to be in touch with the dance world is a complete sham." However, nightclub manager RICHARD MOONEY insists Kelly left of his own accord.

The hate mail was mildly amusing for a while, but lately it's begining to bore me. This is probably because it's all the same and it's all wrong. You people are reading this page and making some pretty broad generalizations about me. So before you click on my nifty swirling e-mail thing, let me respond to a few of your comments before you make them...

1) "Why do you put so much time and energy into a page about something you hate?" I don't. You may not have noticed, but this page is not very fancy. The original version, which was just a little bit shorter and not as colorful, took me about 10 minutes to make. I didn't touch it for 2 years until someone discovered it and all of a sudden I found my mailbox flooded with hate mail fan letters.

2) I'm a Nine Inch Nails fan. I'm not. I don't know why everyone thinks that. It's the farthest thing from the truth. I do accuse U2 of aping a style of music pioneered by groups like Nine Inch Nails but I never express any sort of afinity for them. Some of you are reading way to much into my comments.

3) I don't like The Beatles but I use a quote from George Harrison. Wrong again. I said The Beatles were overrated. I didn't say that I don't like them. I think they're great, but I don't agree with the way a lot of people cannonize them.

4) If they are so bad then why do legends like B.B. King and Frank Sinatra record with them?" One reason: $$$$$$$$